i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He did a backflip because drugs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
