you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
