mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't notice because vodka
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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