so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
