Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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