and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
