FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm like, not good at living.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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