He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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