I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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