Your tits are I can't wait for
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize