im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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