I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize