wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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