some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize