We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
