Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
