i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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