he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
