During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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