SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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