do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
