Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
