Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
