there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
