I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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