Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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