They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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