hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
