no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
