I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
