there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
