I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
