By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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