Have you finally orgasmed yet?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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