Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
