i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
