I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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