Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
