She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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