She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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