he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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