none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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