we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
