This is not my ceiling
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
