We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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