I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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