just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
