If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
