I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
