Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
