The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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