my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
