I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
