No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
