So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Everything about him screamed your future.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize