You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
