I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
