I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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