There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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