I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
