Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
