Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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