Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
bring money and cleavage
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
