I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
