So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
