I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize