What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
