I'm really into asian looking animals
someone threw a dead crab at me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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