Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
