if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
