So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
